Adventures in a Neurologically Mixed Marriage


Do this for me now—hold your right hand palm outward, fingers together, holding your hand in the shape of a “C” and say the following:


The gesture is important, as scientific studies have shown that the rubbery nature of the human hand causes all harmful words to spring with full force back to their sender.

One of the advantages of having Asperger’s syndrome is that insults, sarcasm, manipulation and just plain nastiness often goes whizzing past us unnoticed. What does hit its mark tends to bounce back to its sender when the oh-so-clever remark is met with a blank stare, sticking to the sender and making him look like a total ass.

Not that I would notice, of course.

This is a very useful technique for the NT as well. It’s something Linda and I call Aspieing Out. Aspieing Out is when you take what someone does or says at absolute face value, ignoring all of the finer points of well laid verbal and social landmines. You can use the Asping Out as a well-honed avoidance technique for people who just won’t directly tell you what they need or how they feel—people who expect you to just innately know what’s going on with them.

Let me give you an example.

Susan has broken up with her boyfriend for the 14th time in the past 3 months. She’s on her fourth appletini. Her eyes are bloodshot and her head is on the table.

You: Are you OK, Susan?

Susan (Lifting her head from among the piles of wadded-up Kleenex): I’m…<sniffle>…fine…

You (Looking blankly): Great! See you next week!

There are some, however, who revel in being able to say or do anything they want to you with little consequence—the kind of adult who likes to bounce beach balls off little kids’ heads. These obnoxious meanies truly delight in tormenting the unwitting. Eventually, they begin to get sloppy with their remarks until one of them is so obvious that even a hard-core Aspie will notice that they’ve been insulted. At that point a good Aspie just stares blankly, says “Goodbye” and strolls out the door for good.

Comments on: "Don’t Worry, Be Aspie!" (5)

  1. I really enjoyed this! Thank you for sharing.

  2. Do you think the hoarding and cariyrng around numerous things everywhere could be her obsession that’s where I’m confused. She doesn’t have an obsession like my son does. That obsession consumes him. It’s hard to find a symptom list specific to younger girls with aspergers.

    • Hi Odinaka! Thanks for commenting. My experience may not be everybody’s experience, but I used to carry all kinds of weird things in my pockets and backpack when I was a kid. Even as a young adult, I wouldn’t go anywhere without my tuning fork (I’m a composer by trade), even if it was to the grocery store or on vacation. There’s a peculiar sense of security that comes with knowing precisely where a particular cherished item is at all times.

      Aspie obsessions seem to be rather random. It can be an item, a collection, an idea and may shift depending on the person. My obsessions tend to bounce around, but others I know will latch onto something early on and remain with it for the rest of their lives. I’m not sure there are specific symptoms to girls with Asperger’s Syndrome. Most accounts of women with Asperger’s seem to run parallel to that of men.

  3. sbennett0322 said:

    Reblogged this on untouchable lover and commented:
    This blog is so Aspie-positive and has so much advice on being in a successful NT/AS marriage. I have really enjoyed it!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

<span>%d</span> bloggers like this: